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The Secret Sauce To Staying Connected

connection couples May 11, 2022

Hello, my name is Charlene Byars, and I am the Simply…Woman Empowerment and Relationship Coach. I write a monthly article about empowerment and relationships, and I am the founder of the Relationship Revolution System. Please feel free to write me at [email protected] and ask me any relationship questions you would like to see answered here. I’m here to help.

Each January as the new year begins, I reflect on what happened in the previous year and begin to think about what I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I like to complete the previous year by acknowledging what got accomplished, and also acknowledging the things I didn’t get to. 

This kind of acknowledgement is important. You get to celebrate your wins and also learn from what happened with the goals you are still working on. By owning both the achievement and the lessons, you are then free to create new goals for the new year.

The goals I create cover both my personal and professional life. For example, on the personal side I may set goals for my health and wellness and how I show up as mother and wife (I’ve been raising kids for 30 years!). And there are others. Professionally, each year I set goals for growing my business and serving others. 

I think it is so important to have goals for oneself to work towards. But how does all this individual goal-setting work when you are in a romantic relationship? Because my husband has goals of his own, too. How does creating personal achievement benefit two people that are a couple, and is it possible to meet personal goals and also make things happen as a couple and create even more connection?

Here’s the thing. When we are in a romantic relationship, we aren’t just one entity. People in a relationship are two unique individuals, with individual wants and needs. Each person has their own ideas of what they want in life, and I believe that people get into relationships because they find a person who wants enough of the same things they do, they feel a connection and they choose to spend their lives together. And there are still going to be some things that are just different. 

Goals provide a framework for your relationship and help define what you can expect from each other. The goals provide the direction for what’s important in the relationship. They encourage communication and knowing what your goals are as a couple and working towards them together keeps you connected. Setting goals in a relationship allows you to work as a team and stay on the same page. 

There are different types of goals to set as a couple. Financial goals are important so you can feel secure and safe and plan for things like fun vacations or saving for important purchases, such as a house or new car or a big vacation. Relationship goals relating to communication, trust, honesty and intimacy are often the ones that make the relationship healthier and make the couple’s connection even richer. 

 

These are some of the things we keep in mind when setting our goals because we know that we have a much better chance of reaching them if we follow a roadmap:

  • When setting couple goals, both parties must be willing to discuss how they will they reach the goal. When you set a goal together it’s like you agree to work on a project together and hold up your end of the bargain.
  • Goals need to be specific and measurable - how you will know that your goal has been accomplished. For example, “We should save some money this year” is not a goal. “We will save $5,000 this year” is a goal. Know exactly what you and your partner want to accomplish.
  • Creating goals together requires that you always be honest with each other. If you are not aligned, talk it through. 
  • Keeping goals visible so you can see them daily is one simple thing that goes a long way to remind you of the goal. So help yourselves achieve the goal by keeping them present – on your bathroom mirror, on your refrigerator, as a home screen on your phone, or on your desk if you have one. Seeing your goals daily reminds you of what you’re working on. 
  • When talking about goals remember you’re in a partnership, so have fun and keep things light!
  • Reviewing goals regularly is a must. How often you review goals as a couple will be determined by what you feel is a good time for you. If you are new to goal setting as a couple, you may review them as often as weekly, or even daily if needed. 
  • The beginning of the new year is a wonderful time to reconnect, talk about what you accomplished from the year before and where you are going as individuals and as a couple in the upcoming year. Regularly reviewing your personal and couple goals with your partner will keep them in existence and help to achieve them.

Setting goals with your partner brings clarity about where the relationship is going, and both of you can actively improve the present and the future that you are sharing together. Having and working towards goals together ensures that each person knows their relationship is heading in the same direction and reinforces their connection. 

Putting each other first in your relationship means that you’re paying attention to each other’s needs and making sure they are being met. How to keep the relationship strong and aligned with one another is by being aware of your partner and how they feel supported by you. And in return your partner is aware of you and how to support you.

More and more couples are finding ways to build and work together. There are so many options. Start with communicating with one another and go from there. Being in partnership is such a wonderful thing. Having someone to be connected to is a beautiful gift. 

That’s why I have learned the importance of setting yearly goals. This will help you two put each other first and support each other. That’s the beauty about being in a relationship the love you have for one another and knowing you are 100% your partner’s biggest cheerleader, and their success is also yours! 

That’s the magic of a relationship because you get to do it with someone. You always have another person to consider in decisions that you make for life. And as a couple, setting goals together is powerful and can bring many wonderful changes to the dynamic of the relationship in all the good ways! 

When we take time to sit down and set goals together it allows you to actually connect and get excited about adventures and the successes that you want to accomplish together. It helps you do new things together.

If you haven’t done this before with your partner, this is the perfect time to start! Remember to keep it simple, keep it light and have fun. And you can always add as your go.

I hope you found this information helpful and that your goals, both individual and with your partner, light you up, get you into action and take your connection to the next level. I wish you and your loved ones an amazing 2022!

Coach Charlene Byars

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